Hello Happiness!

I seem to have snapped out of the storm cloud of which I was stuck under for the past few weeks or so. It's mostly the morning sickness that had been keeping me down -- it really knows how to wipe a girl out! Which bear was already doing a pretty good job of before I was pregnant.

The morning sickness is still strongly here but I've given up on holding out on medication, so I can continue enjoying all the alone time I have with bear, before baby number two arrives! The medication seems to just take the edge off though, but that at least allows me to go to the park without worrying that I might toss my cookies in front of bear's little friends.

The morning sickness had really been keeping me on the couch and zapping all of my energy and I began to feel like an awful mom. I couldn't keep up with the house work, could barely cook dinner, and had almost no energy to play or deal with the toddler tantrums... Which I think we're probably more brought on from the unfortunate distance that I was creating with bear. Fortunately my energy levels seem to be returning - hallelujah! Now, if I could just get a break from the nausea department we'd all be back to our happy sunny self's!

It was really beginning to take a tole on me, not being able to give bear my 100%, but in some ways this is probably good preparation for her, because in the next 8 months bear will have to start sharing my attention with another little one. I'm wondering how this will effect her as she's so easy going and sweet, except during those tantrums...

But today is a better day. I feel more positive and thus bear is more happy which means the all around vibe in the house is a happy one.

Bear told me on the way home from the park this morning:

"Tortoise happy. Mommy happy. Emma happy. Daddy happy. Acadia Happy. Grass happy. Tree happy. Bird happy..."

I think she was just trying to say- "Mommy, I'm happy and I love you!"

xoxo
Bear's mom 

To be a better mom, I need to be a better me.

With daddy being gone for work so much these days, it's definitely been hard to find some personal down time. Bear is getting into the terrible twos now, which spark the most in the evening, when I could really use an extra pair daddy hands! I've always felt prepared for these moments, as I previously worked professionally with children who had tantrums frequently and became easily upset - so I know how to keep my patience and work through these moments. But these days, at home, my core (my chi... my sanity) is always dying for a break when the clock hits 5 o'clock, which I use to get at my job, but that doesn't happen when you're at home, alone, without your husband. So I just have to push through, as I'm sure many mommy's out there do, everyday.

Don't get me wrong, though. Bear is still very sweet, she's just becoming testy, she's experimenting with me, and I really need to remind myself that she's just learning about me and how things work. She's trying to see how far she can push mommy and what she can get away with. And I know, if I want her to learn appropriately from her testy behaviors, I need to keep calm and follow through. Which I've been doing, but it's harder now to fully let these moments roll off my back like they once did. I never EVER over react with bear (it's something I promised myself I would never do, and though this may change some day in the future, it is one of the things I truly hope to keep in check, above all other things) but lately during these events, I feel all muddled up and flustered inside - as if I'm heading in a direction of overreacting. I haven't gotten to the angered stage but I feel that I'm not responding 100% the way I'd really like to; I just can't seem to fully shake the moment. I want to be able to just go with it, in a relaxed manner. I expect her to act this way - as all toddlers do, but those quick behaviors can leave you flustered at times.

I know this will all pass soon, bear will settle in once she figures out that her testy attempts aren't going to get her very far. I'm sure we will be up and down with tantrums and testiness for the next few years -which I'm ready for; I signed up for this when I decided to be a mom! I just need to find a way to stay positive and keep my energy up. Which is much easier said than done...


Here's my plan:

1) Smile when I feel flustered. For some reason a smile seems to take the edge off of a crummy moment. Now I just need to remember to do this, in the moment!

2) Do Yoga or Cardio everyday. I've been living up to this for the most part, I've at least hit 5 out of 7 days for the past two weeks. I'm hoping to eventually wake up at 6 am for my workout so I can use that energy to start my day off better. I'll start that once I'm successful with this list.

3) Go to bed early and nap during nap time, when needed. This will be the hardest one to do!


I'll post back soon on my progress!

xoxo
Bear's mom

Can't keep my silence any more!

This is part two of my secondhand smoke series... (See my first post here: No Smoking Please!)

So the smoking is not going away and neither is the marijuana smell. Actually, as I sit here and write this, I'm breathing in the nice ripe smell of pot, at about 10:08 in the morning. And just last night our neighbor spent two very long hours smoking his cigar inside his apartment with all of his windows open. So now it's coming into are house through every little crack and crevice it can find.

I don't like either smell but the cigar is by far the worst. It STINKS! It makes the whole house STINK! And it gives me a headache! The headache is probably more from frustration because I get so angry that my body shakes. So angry that my heart revs up and I can't sit still. I feel as if I could flip this whole building upside down with my anger -- because this un-thoughtful man is surrounded by children, young children. To the right is an apartment with three children, to his left there are two children, and above him (our apartment, which is taking in the majority of his smoke) are one and a half children. We've asked him nicely, my husband then eventually got into an argument with him, and I finally called the cops last week when our whole entry way smelled like a frat party (all following numerous complaints to our HOA). But the cops can't do anything 'cause guess what? We live in the "it's ok to smoke pot for medical reasons state of California." Something I originally supported but at the time didn't realize that many, like myself, are being forced to breath it in without wanting any part in it.

So I've completely changed my stance. In fact, this past November I voted yes on making Marijuana legal, but I won't be doing that again! At least not until laws are put in place to protect those who live in communal living spaces. Just because you like to un-wind with a cigar, or smoke pot for your foot pain (or whatever your reason), why do I need to deal with the negative repercussions of it? Why should my house smell like pot every other day just because you have a prescription? Why should my family be forced into breathing your polluted air just because "this is how you like to unwind....?" I'm about ready to unwind with a nice game of catch with the dog followed by a long round of jump rope with tap shoes on, all while listening to gangster rap with the bass cranked all the way up....

Any way, we have an HOA board meeting this coming week. The landlord of this apartment was told to attend after we sent multiple complaint letters, over the past two months. We have a close friend on the board, and are friendly with another. The only concern we have is that the third member smokes. We just hope that we can get him to see that this is becoming a complete nuisance to our family. We also hope that we can show the landlord that we are very serious about this so he can appropriately fore-warn his future renters.

If the board refuses to see our side then we will take legal actions against not only the landlord of the apartment but our HOA for not protecting us, especially since we are now expecting another little bear in the near future. My worst fear is that we will have to wait a long period of time before this is really taken care of and I just don't want to spend the rest of my pregnancy with this problem.

And yes, there was no formal blogging/Internet announcement for my pregnancy, but I am pregnant. It's fairly early on and I didn't want to announce it online just yet, but it is a major part to this situation. The reason i didn't want to announce it just yet is because I have a big fear of miscarrying and part of the way I think is that if I tell too many people then I will lose the baby. I know it's stupid ~ but I just want to put it out there, in the hopes that, if by putting it out there, I  will (magically) negate my perceived (non-logical predictive) out come. I had planned to wait until at least the second trimester for the big announcement but I just can't keep silent about it when I'm forced to breath in 2nd hand smoke. Blogging helps me to relieve some of my stress and creates a platform for me to occasionally get certain things off my chest (and this whole situation is like having a 20 pound bag of bricks attached to my chest and throat). I guess I'm really just writing this paragraph more as an apology to myself...

                                    

Dear originally pregnancy news planned me, 

I'm sorry but I just had to get it out there... 

For I am about to drown myself in frustration...

xo

Bear's mom

I'd also like to mention that when you're vomiting into the toilet at 1:00 in the morning and your bathroom reeks of pot, it is undeniably the most aggravating moment of all of this. It makes me wish we were renting because at least we could just get up and move!

Sigh...           Deep breath...         Namaste...

So, as I sit here with all windows open and our new air purifier on full blast, the pot stench is starting to subside, but my frustration isn't quieting so easily. What I really want to do is go downstairs and cuss him out and If we didn't have the board meeting coming up then I would. Most people know me as a shy, quiet, reserved person, but when I'm pushed-I will push back! Don't test me when it comes to the health of my children! Just wait till you see this mommy in action...

  I'm about to get Grizzly on your...

All in all -- I Pray that this all just comes to a quick and easy end this Wednesday.


Please keep is in mind!


And if not, I will keep on pushing - pushing until they move out!

xo
Bear's mom

So life is really keeping me from blogging these days. With my husband being out of town every week and having an energetic toddler and spazzy pup to take care of, I've been too tired to put up a new post. I'm actually pretty surprised that I'm able to get these few words in at the moment...

But things will pick up again, soon. Stay tuned as I have an exciting announcement to make over the next few months -- so don't give up on me just yet!

Here is a picture to take the place of my written words. 

Bear  playing at the playground at the Wild Animal Park in San Diego.

I'll be back soon!

xo

Bear's mom